1
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:43,075
If a bucket of paint falls
on a man's head, that's funny.

2
00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:46,245
If the bucket fractures
his skull at the same time

3
00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:48,080
and kills him,
that's not funny.

4
00:00:48,081 --> 00:00:49,548
It's tragic.

5
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:52,651
And yet, if a man falls
into a sausage machine

6
00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:55,154
and is sold in the shops
at so much a pound,

7
00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:57,256
that's funny.

8
00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:59,692
It is also tragic.

9
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,794
So, why is it funny?

10
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,763
I don't know,
but what I do know

11
00:01:04,764 --> 00:01:07,366
is that somewhere within
this very difficult area

12
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,968
lies the secret
of all black comedy.

13
00:01:09,969 --> 00:01:11,937
The play you're going to see now

14
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:14,440
is one of those
blackish comedies,

15
00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:17,042
and thanks to the presence
of two famous stars,

16
00:01:17,043 --> 00:01:18,911
it's come out
a good deal funnier

17
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,146
than I was ever able
to make it on paper.

18
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:29,788
Lady Turton, who ran
her husband's newspaper empire

19
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:32,558
as aggressively as she ran
his house in Norfolk,

20
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:35,694
didn't know that Sir Basil
had invited an extra guest

21
00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:38,397
for the weekend--
John Bannister.

22
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,810
Gently.

23
00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:53,545
It's
irreplaceable.

24
00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:00,419
Jelks?

25
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:01,620
Milady...

26
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:02,921
What is going on?

27
00:02:02,922 --> 00:02:06,558
Basil? Basil?

28
00:02:06,559 --> 00:02:08,460
Have you gone
out of your mind?

29
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:09,862
Hello, my dear.

30
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,864
What on earth is
this tradesman's van

31
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,032
doing at the front?

32
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:17,002
My latest acquisition.
Quite wonderful--

33
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:19,571
Basil, what will
my guests think?

34
00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:22,174
Really, Basil,
you've no style--

35
00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:23,942
no style at all!

36
00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:47,700
This way.

37
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:49,635
[Chimes ringing]

38
00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:55,841
Here.

39
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,776
[Clock striking]

40
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,617
[Car horn honking]

41
00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:19,898
[Car horn honking]

42
00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:33,679
Evening, Jelks.

43
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,381
JELKS:
Good evening, sir.

44
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,915
Who else have we got
for the weekend?

45
00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:38,083
Hardly anyone, sir--

46
00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:39,852
yourself
and Miss Carmen La Rosa,

47
00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:41,887
and a young friend
of Sir Basil's,

48
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,155
I believe, sir.

49
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:45,024
The young chap
blocking the drive?

50
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,558
Very possible, sir.

51
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:47,960
Good-looking, is he?

52
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,762
Presentable?
Bit of young blood?

53
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,764
I have no idea, sir.

54
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,099
You'll find Lady Turton
in the library, sir.

55
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,401
Thank you.

56
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,002
Send up my bags,
will you?

57
00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:58,370
I'll change first.

58
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,685
Isn't she beautiful?

59
00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:25,631
Thank you.
Thank you.

60
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:31,003
Ah, you made it.

61
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:32,905
Good. Well,
what do you think?

62
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,440
She's just arrived.

63
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,607
I like it.

64
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,443
She looks better than
when we saw her last

65
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,044
in the sale room,
don't you think?

66
00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,279
No comparison.

67
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,814
Oh, I realize I paid
over the odds,

68
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,083
but we couldn't
let her go

69
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:45,984
to Dusseldorf,
could we?

70
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:48,420
Anyway,
I had to have her.

71
00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:51,523
She fills a real gap
in my collection.

72
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:53,292
I like
the way he's used

73
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,894
the natural grain
of the wood.

74
00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:57,629
Don't tell
Lady Turton that.

75
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,798
She hates what she calls
"art talk."

76
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,143
MAN: Can't imagine
what he was doing,

77
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,378
young idiot.

78
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:16,081
Hmm. A young man
in a sports car.

79
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:18,751
Parked his pedal car
all over the drive.

80
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:21,220
I blasted him
with my horn.

81
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,988
[Laughing]

82
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:26,959
Jelks tells me
he's Basil's guest.

83
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,060
LADY TURTON: Hmm.

84
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,463
I say,
does he ride?

85
00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:33,532
Oh, we'll have to see.

86
00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:36,735
If he's Basil's guest,
he's bound to be a drip.

87
00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:37,836
[Laughter]

88
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:43,375
Well, now, I take that back.

89
00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:45,377
SIR BASIL: My dear,
may I introduce John Bannister.

90
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:47,680
We happened to meet
at Sotheby's.

91
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,381
Oh, Basil haunts
that place.

92
00:05:49,382 --> 00:05:51,083
Every honest penny
I earn,

93
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,152
he spends on art.
How do you do?

94
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,720
How do you do,
Lady Turton?

95
00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,722
Oh, Natalia, please.

96
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:57,890
Basil,

97
00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:00,893
do give this presentable
young man a drink. Come.

98
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,061
JELKS: Allow me, sir.

99
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:04,430
Carmen, John.
Carmen La Rosa.

100
00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:06,899
How do you do?
Are you horsy?

101
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,133
Not really, no.

102
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:10,102
Oh. Then we won't
have anything

103
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,504
to say to each other.
What do you do?

104
00:06:12,505 --> 00:06:13,839
I'm an art
historian.

105
00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,040
[Chokes]

106
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:17,109
Oh, my God!
How awful for you.

107
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,244
Jelks, get me
another martini.

108
00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:22,281
I've just met
an art historian.

109
00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:24,183
Oh, I think
you've met Jack--

110
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:25,351
Major Haddock.

111
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:27,519
In a way, yes.
How do you do?

112
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:28,687
Evening.

113
00:06:28,688 --> 00:06:31,290
Stupid place
to leave a car.

114
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:33,058
I was admiring
the view.

115
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,860
Don't we all?

116
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:39,732
Basil, for God's sake,
take our guest upstairs.

117
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,067
I cannot stand tweeds
after 6:00.

118
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,570
I can't wait to see you
in a black tie.

119
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:11,030
There's an admired view
of the garden, sir.

120
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:15,000
The bathroom in here.

121
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,405
Beware of
the flush, sir.

122
00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:20,572
It's quite powerful.

123
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:22,341
Oh, thank you.

124
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,443
Dinner at 7:30, sir.

125
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,878
Thank you.

126
00:07:27,747 --> 00:07:29,248
Don't bother
with the--

127
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,416
No bother, sir.

128
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,818
That catch
is rather tricky.

129
00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:35,154
I seem to have got
the better of it, sir.

130
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:37,122
Look, there's hardly
anything to hang up.

131
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,757
I just threw in
a few things.

132
00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:40,526
Quite, sir.
Just a weekend bag.

133
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:41,694
Look, really,

134
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:43,529
I'd rather
you didn't.

135
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,364
Do you play bridge, sir?

136
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:47,633
Yes, as a matter
of fact, I do.

137
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:48,801
Ah, well, then,

138
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:49,968
you'll be doubly
welcome here, sir,

139
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,136
believe me.

140
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,338
They play a lot
of bridge, do they?

141
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:53,972
Yes, sir. And poker
and gin rummy,

142
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,608
but Sir Basil
prefers bridge.

143
00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:58,010
I see you favor
the modern approach

144
00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,345
to evening dress, sir.

145
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:00,512
What?

146
00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:02,047
Snap on, snap off.

147
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,051
It's a bit creased.

148
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:07,720
You launder it
yourself, sir?

149
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,288
It's drip dry.

150
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:12,658
Quite. I can't wear
man-made fabrics myself.

151
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,094
I find the static
electricity

152
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,595
it generates
inconvenient.

153
00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:19,365
One tends to give off
blue flashes in the dark.

154
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:20,733
That will be all,
Jelks.

155
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,601
Oh, but your pumps, sir.

156
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:23,936
Pumps?

157
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,170
Your evening
footwear, sir.

158
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,572
They may require
polish, possibly.

159
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,273
No. No, they're fine,
really.

160
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:29,742
Very well, sir.

161
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,610
I'll just leave you
to it, then.

162
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:33,245
Thank you.

163
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:34,847
Thank you, sir.

164
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:38,951
Yes, of course.

165
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:42,454
I never accept
emolument, sir.

166
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,323
No tips?

167
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:47,092
If I might offer a little
further advice, sir?

168
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:48,394
Yes?

169
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:49,962
It's simply
that her ladyship

170
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,464
does somewhat tend
to overbid her hand.

171
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:54,233
Thank you, Jelks.

172
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,804
Oh, one further point, sir.
At dinner--

173
00:08:58,805 --> 00:08:59,972
Yes?

174
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,573
Her ladyship's right foot

175
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:03,609
doesn't always
seem to know

176
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,010
what her left foot
is doing.

177
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:07,046
That will be all,
Jelks!

178
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,981
I sincerely hope so, sir.

179
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:13,619
So, what exactly
do you specialize in

180
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,487
as an art historian?

181
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:17,523
Oh, Renaissance.

182
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:22,995
Oh. Basil used to call me
his Memling Madonna,

183
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,997
but I always saw myself
more like that.

184
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:29,501
The telephone,
milady.

185
00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:31,870
Oh, no. What a bore.
Who is it?

186
00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:33,572
The editor of
the "Sunday Globe,"

187
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,940
milady.
[Sighs]

188
00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:37,409
I am a slave to
Basil's inheritance.

189
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,378
Now, his father--

190
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,547
what a magnificent
man he was.

191
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:45,551
Basil, wasn't your father
a magnificent man?

192
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:47,619
Yes, dear.
Very forthright...

193
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,755
like you.

194
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,223
Mmm. Brilliant.

195
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:53,292
Built an international
newspaper empire

196
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:55,094
out of the coarse
"Fisherman's Gazette."

197
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:58,330
Such animal magnetism,
even on his deathbed.

198
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,266
But does his son
take after him?

199
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,434
Well...

200
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,336
The editor is
waiting, milady.

201
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,871
He needs to know
how many nudes

202
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,773
you require
for the front page

203
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,341
of the northern
edition, milady.

204
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:10,909
Thank you, Jelks.

205
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:13,612
I shall tell him
to think big.

206
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,681
[Laughter]

207
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:20,319
Amazing woman.
One for the book, eh?

208
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,520
Yes.

209
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:23,322
Tell me,
what do you think

210
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,891
of Basil's art collection?
Load of rubbish?

211
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:27,326
Quite the reverse.

212
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,561
Oh. Don't know what
you chaps see in it.

213
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:30,729
Well, for a start,

214
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:33,065
it must be
worth millions.

215
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:36,001
Really?

216
00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:38,737
Well, that's put the fear
of God into him.

217
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:42,007
Oh, Basil, haven't you
finished eating yet?

218
00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:44,910
He is the slowest eater
in the world.

219
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:46,679
Nibble, nibble, nibble.

220
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,747
Thank you, Jelks.

221
00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:51,350
Tell cook the poached salmon
was abominable.

222
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,651
With pleasure, milady.

223
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,586
I know how she values
your opinion.

224
00:10:57,757 --> 00:11:00,092
Splendid dinner.
I feel very replete.

225
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,727
MAJOR HADDOCK: Well,
what's it to be tonight:

226
00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:05,864
gin rummy, liar dice,
strip poker?

227
00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:07,132
Bridge.

228
00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:11,003
One spade.

229
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,305
3 clubs.

230
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:15,140
3 hearts.

231
00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:17,943
No bid.

232
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,478
3 no trumps.

233
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,613
No bid.

234
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,282
No bid.

235
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,483
No bid.

236
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:28,120
Must you always bid
3 no trumps, Basil?

237
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,155
It makes the game
so dull,

238
00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:31,990
so unadventurous.

239
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:33,759
Not if one wins,
dear.

240
00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:38,263
What's the idea, man?

241
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:40,265
I didn't ask
for another scotch.

242
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,034
No, sir, but as
things are looking,

243
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,269
you may well
need one, sir.

244
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,238
Are you still losing?

245
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,711
May I enquire
the score, sir?

246
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,980
No, you may not.

247
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:57,316
In fact, Jelks,
you can go to bed.

248
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,018
This is
our last hand.

249
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,519
Very good, milady.

250
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,489
Mr. Bannister and I
are 1,200 up, Jelks.

251
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:05,491
How very
gratifying, sir.

252
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,292
Good night, sir.

253
00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:11,497
Ah. No go.
It's all yours.

254
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,734
We overbid, Natalia.
I've told you before.

255
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,403
Oh, Jack,
no postmortems.

256
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,705
You know I can't stand
postmortems.

257
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:23,509
Basil, since winning's
obviously worn you out,

258
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:25,044
I suggest you
go to bed, too.

259
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:26,979
I am rather
tired, dear.

260
00:12:28,682 --> 00:12:31,950
Oh, we'll settle
in the morning, right?

261
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:33,886
[Clock striking]

262
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,326
[Rattling]

263
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,814
As a houseguest,
Mr. Bannister,

264
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:03,749
you leave a lot
to be desired.

265
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:04,950
Do I?

266
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,118
Mmm.

267
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,786
Beating your hostess
at bridge?

268
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,088
Jack's furious.

269
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:10,723
And then locking
your door.

270
00:13:10,724 --> 00:13:13,359
Tsk. Such ingratitude.

271
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,627
Besides, I have a key

272
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,429
to every bedroom
in this house--

273
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,631
all 47 of them.

274
00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,636
47?

275
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:29,742
Ha. Striped pajamas?

276
00:13:29,743 --> 00:13:31,543
I'm cold-blooded.

277
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,045
Oh.

278
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:35,948
Oh, and a bow.

279
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:39,985
How sweet.
How old-fashioned.

280
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,657
Just think of this

281
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,726
as your bread-and-butter
letter, darling,

282
00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:50,396
written in advance.

283
00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:52,331
[Both moaning]

284
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:56,468
[Click]

285
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:57,636
Jelks?!

286
00:13:57,637 --> 00:13:59,972
Forgive me, milady.
I thought I heard an intruder.

287
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:03,742
You are
the intruder, Jelks.

288
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:05,844
Could I be of any service
to you, sir?

289
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,213
Um...no. I'm...

290
00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:09,848
Go away, Jelks!

291
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,350
Hearing strange sounds,

292
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:14,787
I took the precaution of
alerting Sir Basil, milady.

293
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,357
As a butler, Jelks,

294
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,459
you'd make a perfect
baby minder.

295
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,898
I hope I've been
of some service, sir.

296
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:27,700
I suppose so, yes.

297
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,268
If I might suggest it,

298
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:31,437
a chair braced firmly
under the doorknob

299
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,105
is quite
the best deterrent.

300
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:36,408
Her ladyship has been known
to sleepwalk before dawn.

301
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:37,910
Good night, Jelks.

302
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:39,311
Good night, sir.

303
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,054
When my father died,

304
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,856
I was taken
rather by surprise.

305
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,324
Up until then,

306
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,927
I'd lived a very quiet
bachelor life,

307
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:56,729
and suddenly at 40,

308
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:59,798
I seemed to become
enormously eligible.

309
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:03,402
Young ladies
appeared from nowhere.

310
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:06,105
Oh, I bought that head
last March.

311
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,339
A Frink?

312
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:08,907
Yes.

313
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,376
And then Natalia
appeared

314
00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:12,978
and literally
swept me off my feet.

315
00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:15,147
All the others
were rather miffed.

316
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:16,782
She is very striking.

317
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,851
Oh, and a wonderful head
for business,

318
00:15:18,852 --> 00:15:21,186
though I must say,
she has rather changed

319
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:23,622
the tone of our
various publications.

320
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:26,725
But the cash
does roll in.

321
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:29,461
Who's for a gallop?

322
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:30,896
We're coming.

323
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,198
Jack!

324
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:34,633
Let her go!

325
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:35,801
Oh!

326
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,311
Did you sleep well
last night?

327
00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:48,047
Yes, eventually.

328
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:49,648
Jelks told me

329
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,784
he thought he heard
an intruder.

330
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,952
False alarm.

331
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,288
Quite.

332
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,856
Jelks is very loyal.

333
00:15:57,857 --> 00:16:00,292
[Indistinct shouting]

334
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,860
You are insatiable!

335
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:03,896
Saddle the horse,
and away!

336
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:12,838
Oh, I love this place--
every inch of it.

337
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,673
[Laughter
and indistinct chatter]

338
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,347
Oh, look. This is Basil's
new masterpiece.

339
00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:23,349
Isn't it ghastly?

340
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,850
[Laughing]

341
00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:26,185
Watch
the dicky-bird.

342
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,254
Take one like this.

343
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:31,090
Oh,
that's very good.

344
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:34,893
Tallyho!

345
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:37,129
Shall we go down?

346
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,865
It--it's very pleasant here.

347
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:43,202
[Laughter]

348
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:46,939
Oh, yes, brilliant--

349
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:49,174
just like those things
at the seaside!

350
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:51,577
How is it?

351
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:55,414
Oh, it's bloody
marvelous.

352
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:57,016
Oh, idiot.

353
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,384
Got you.

354
00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:02,321
How now,
my proud beauty?

355
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:06,091
Mmm. Oh!

356
00:17:06,092 --> 00:17:10,295
Natalia finds everything
so amusing.

357
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:13,732
Jack, I'm stuck.

358
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,334
You can't be.

359
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:16,969
I am.

360
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:18,470
Oh, rubbish. What
goes in must come--

361
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,507
Jack, do something.

362
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:22,975
Oh, flatten
your ears back.

363
00:17:22,976 --> 00:17:26,211
I am not a horse,
dammit.

364
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,280
Oh, dear.

365
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:31,517
Ow! Ow! Aah!

366
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,852
[Loud grunting]

367
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:35,621
What is it?

368
00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:37,256
Natalia's stuck.

369
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:39,224
Well, get something
quickly--

370
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:42,861
butter, lard,
anything!

371
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:47,199
I got my fist stuck in
a jar of boiled sweets once.

372
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,534
Couldn't get it out.

373
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:50,536
Finally, I broke
the jar with a hammer

374
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:51,870
and told my mother

375
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:54,640
it fell off the shelf
by mistake.

376
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:57,776
I suppose we ought
to help, really.

377
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:58,944
Stop it!

378
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:00,979
I suppose so, yes.

379
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,314
Quite.

380
00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:04,783
Cigarette?

381
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:07,086
Virginia this side,
Turkish that.

382
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,287
I don't. Thank you.

383
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:11,156
I do.

384
00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:14,059
I think a Turkish.

385
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:16,628
[Grunting]

386
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,330
What are you doing?

387
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:20,265
Better take
the jacket off.

388
00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,472
All right.

389
00:18:29,042 --> 00:18:31,977
Yes! Yes!
Come on, girl!

390
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:35,280
No! Oh, Jack!
I can't!

391
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,349
I can't! Ow!

392
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,454
[Sighs]

393
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,256
What a stupid thing.

394
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:46,225
It's not funny.

395
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:48,027
No.

396
00:18:48,028 --> 00:18:50,796
Well, we'll just have
to wait for Carmen.

397
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:54,967
Oh, God.
Now look who's here.

398
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:58,971
Basil, get me
out of here!

399
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:01,740
What's the matter,
dear?

400
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,809
Isn't it obvious?

401
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,210
Stuck her head through
the blasted hole.

402
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:07,479
Can't get it out.

403
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,048
How odd.

404
00:19:09,049 --> 00:19:11,784
Just for a lark,
you know.

405
00:19:11,785 --> 00:19:12,951
Quite.

406
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:15,020
A bit of fun,
as it were?

407
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:17,523
NATALIA: Basil,
don't be such a damn fool!

408
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:19,258
Well, it's very obvious

409
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:21,260
we'll just have to
break up this, um...

410
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,494
lump of wood.

411
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,063
Surely not.

412
00:19:24,064 --> 00:19:26,532
No. Petroleum jelly
should do the trick.

413
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:29,702
Ah. You thought
of it already.

414
00:19:31,071 --> 00:19:33,372
Allow me. Good.

415
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:36,208
Oh, you're not going to
smother me in that muck.

416
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:37,376
Basil!

417
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:38,544
Keep still, dear.

418
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:41,547
Oh, no! Oh!

419
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:46,552
Oh, Basil!
Oh, it's revolting!

420
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:47,786
Can't hurt, dear.

421
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,888
If anything,
it's rather soothing.

422
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:52,424
NATALIA: Oh! Ugh!

423
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:54,727
[Crying]

424
00:19:54,728 --> 00:19:57,329
That's right.
On the ears.

425
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:59,531
Plenty on the ears.

426
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:02,468
Oh, how dare you!

427
00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:05,270
Oh, this is
so humiliating.

428
00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:08,407
Oh, Basil,
look at you.

429
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:11,010
You're enjoying this,
aren't you,

430
00:20:11,011 --> 00:20:14,613
you beastly little
rabbit of a man!

431
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:17,049
I reckon my old foot
would get her out.

432
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,218
Block and tackle.
That's the answer.

433
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,719
Poor madam.

434
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,887
[Laughing]

435
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,055
Try now--

436
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,591
a good, strong pull
from the hips.

437
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,693
Ow!

438
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:30,562
Oh, I must
look ghastly!

439
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:33,032
Ow!

440
00:20:33,033 --> 00:20:34,733
It's no go.

441
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,902
We will straighten
her out.

442
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,771
You take
the left leg.

443
00:20:38,772 --> 00:20:40,739
You, too.
Come on!

444
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,409
Now, you take
the leg.

445
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:44,910
That's right,
both of you.

446
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,412
That's right. Up.

447
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:51,383
Now, ready,
steady, go!

448
00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:54,520
Oh! Put me down!

449
00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:09,368
Let me down!

450
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:12,838
You hit my husband
for me!

451
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:15,107
I'm sure he's doing
his best, Lady Turton.

452
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:16,275
Oh, traitor!

453
00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:19,978
[Screaming]

454
00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:22,281
No!

455
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:24,049
Perhaps we should call
the fire brigade.

456
00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:26,752
Oh, and have them see me
looking like this?

457
00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:28,654
Ah, Jelks.

458
00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:29,822
An unusual
occurrence, sir.

459
00:21:29,823 --> 00:21:30,856
Quite.

460
00:21:30,857 --> 00:21:32,291
I presume
it is the ears

461
00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:33,559
that are the main
obstruction.

462
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,260
Could well be.

463
00:21:35,261 --> 00:21:38,831
They do tend to swell
in moments of excitement.

464
00:21:38,832 --> 00:21:40,032
Jelks.

465
00:21:40,033 --> 00:21:41,100
Milady?

466
00:21:41,101 --> 00:21:44,503
Please do something
constructive.

467
00:21:44,504 --> 00:21:48,407
We are considering ways
and means, milady.

468
00:21:49,776 --> 00:21:50,843
JACK: Ah,
I said so!

469
00:21:50,844 --> 00:21:52,578
Chop the damn
thing up.

470
00:21:52,579 --> 00:21:54,646
Chop up
a masterpiece?

471
00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:56,382
No question, man.

472
00:21:57,784 --> 00:22:01,020
All right, Basil, come on.
Get on with it.

473
00:22:01,021 --> 00:22:02,454
Her ladyship
is right, sir.

474
00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:04,256
No time like the present,
I always say.

475
00:22:04,257 --> 00:22:06,558
The saw or the axe, sir?

476
00:22:18,905 --> 00:22:22,374
[Natalia screaming]